Mind the Balls

The Allied Invasion. The Trojan Horse.
The Divine Plan. The following strategy puts them all to shame
because it defines how to finally defeat the great beast of
society: women.

Arguing with girls, like yoga, is a
meaningless and inane exercise. A lot of guys hate doing it, most
notably because it never seems like we can win. But you can win.
Here's how.



Step 1. Abandon all logic. Girls
don't use it, and you certainly shouldn't allow it to handicap you.

Step 2. If you believe strongly in
something, do NOT give in to any aspect of it.
Compromise is useless against girls, because they will
rationalize that if they can get you to concede to one element, they
can get you to quit on the whole fuckin' Periodic Table. (Nothing
like a little chemistry humor, right?)



Step 3. Don't be afraid to take cheap
shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they
randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the
argument? That's their way of trying to wear you down and push you
off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat ass,
small boobs, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips,
and is a genuinely awful person.

Step 4. Cite precedent. Girls
have no concept of historical factors relating to the current
situation. Most girls reading this just went over to dictionary.com to see what "precedent" meant.



Step 5. Interrupt her. Don't let
her talk. Girls hate that like they hate other girls. It's
hilarious, too. They get all frazzled.



Step 6. Don't take her seriously.
Laugh at every point she deems serious in nature. Fart, if possible.
Derail her emotional train.



Step 7. If the argument escalates, cut off
all communication with her. If a girl can't find you, she
can't continue arguing about bullshit. Change your phone number,
relocate, and get a name change if you must.



Step 8. Don't be fooled by "Let's stop
arguing please." That's their way of making you let your
guard down, so they can swoop in after you're worn down. Instead,
say something like "Yeah, all this being right is exhausting for
me." Pisses them off. Just trust me.



Step 9. Compare her unfavorably with
another girl. This is especially effective if the
comparison is with a girl that they simply abhor. Tell her something
like, "Lisa is so much more compassionate than you." Girls hate
other girls, like a deer hates a shotgun. And how do you take down a
deer? Exactly.



Step 10. Don't be intimidated by the water
works. That's their ultimate contingency, knowing that
guys can't deal with a crying girl. Stay strong, don't let yourself
get emotional, just think of something funny. Replay scenes from
"Office Space" in your head if you must.



Step 11. Bust out, "I don't feel like
fighting. I've proven my point."
Then stop. Leave the argument. It pisses them off because a
guy's natural reaction is to resolve, whereas a girl's is to
continue forever and ever until the end of time until they hear that
they are right. If a guy decides that he is right and won't budge,
their whole concept of male-female relations is shot to shit. Again,
mind games.



Step 12. Ask her if she's on the rag.
Self-explanatory.



Step 13. When all else fails, tell her
she's just like her mother. It's an ace-in-the-hole and
will emotionally cripple her to such a degree she may even forget
her whole argument.



Remember, girls are the less intelligent of the genders. All
throughout history men have out-thought, out-invented, and
out-created women in every facet of existence. Isn't it about time
we won an argument for once? Gentlemen, that time is now.