Mind the Unix

Customer : What is the command that will tell me the revision code
of a program ?

UNIX consul : Yes, that's correct.

Customer : No, what is it ?

UNIX consul : Yes.

Customer : So, which is the one ?

UNIX consul : No. 'which' is used to find the program.

Customer : Stop this. Who are you ?

UNIX consul : Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger
yoo' to get information about yoo'.

Customer : All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?

UNIX consul : Use 'what'.

Customer : That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ?

UNIX consul : No. 'true' gives you 0.

Customer : Which one ?

UNIX consul : 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'

Customer : Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I
find it?

UNIX consul : Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what
program' to get the revision code.

Customer : I want to find the revision code.

UNIX consul : You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what
program'.

Customer : Which command will do what I need?

UNIX consul : No. 'which command' will find 'command'.

Customer : I think I understand. Let me write that.

UNIX consul : You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your
system.

Customer : Write what?

UNIX consul : No. 'write that'. 'what program'.

Customer : Cut that out!

UNIX consul : Yes. Those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the
options.

Customer : Do you always do this ?

UNIX consul : 'du' will give you disk usage.

Customer : HELP!

UNIX consul : 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System(SCCS).

Customer : You make me angry.

UNIX consul : No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname'
when I was upset once.

Customer : I don't want to make trouble, so no more.

UNIX consul : No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every
system has 'more'.

Customer : Nice help! I'm confused more now!

UNIX consul : Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it
is better not to 'nice help'. And 'more now' is not allowed
but 'at now' is. Unless of course 'now' is a file name.

Customer : This is almost as confusing as my PC.

UNIX consul : I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you
to the Pascal compiler team.